Marriage is Mental

Marriage is Mental

A great number of my patients are married. Nothing surprising about that but what is surprising is the number who remain in marriages when they are deeply unhappy. The need to live a lie and lie to yourself is a symptom of low self-esteem.  The core beliefs you hold about yourself (many of them being detrimental to a healthy self image) give rise to a numerous psychosomatic disorders.

Patients come to me with a variety of complaints : backache, migraines, hypertension,  and whilst  I listen sympathetically my approach is to get to the root of the problem. When the spirit is disturbed there are negative, physiological consequences.  Your health is supported (or not!) by the choices you make in life. This extends from the profession you choose, the food you eat and your life partner. These choices shape your emotional landscape and, from what I see, our back gardens and living areas need a serious overhaul!

It should be mandatory for all married people to engage in some holisitic therapy, a series of soul searching weekends to find out whether they share co0mpatible ideologies. Life is changing at a rapid pace and so does the person you live with, as are you. This change is underestimated by traditional marriage guidance counsellors and the church. These professionals attempt to keep a marriage intact and believe that it is a sin “in God’s eyes” to break such a union. This is skewed thinking and is the cause of many couples to continue with the lie and take the next generation down a similar path.

I am a non-traditionalist professional. I question the practitioners. I look for new ways to age old problems. I do not advise warring couples to stay together. It’s a mistake to think you can change another person. Better to part and give each other the opportunity to truly find themselves and change into their heart’s desire. Society may makes laws and judgements but the soul is self-directed and non-conformist. No one can know what is best for you – except you.

My prescription for a failing marriage is for both parties to do whatever it is that will bring them peace. If there is no peace then there is no love. Two people sharing a living space is quite different to sharing their hearts and minds. Who do you let in to your mind space? If it’s not your wife/husband then it’s time to let go…..

Until next time......

Dr D